Anyone who has known me for at least one holiday season knows that there are very few things I love more in this world than giving people gifts. It combines all of my greatest skills: remembering obscure details, empathy, consumerism without having to keep the stuff I buy, and doing things for other people as a form of self-care. Most people don’t know that I also love Wes Anderson, but when I tell them that’s usually accompanied by a groan or sigh and a reaction of “oh my god, of course you love Wes Anderson.”
I was just looking at my bank account and feeling very sorry for myself with the realization that I simply couldn’t afford to go full Santa’s Workshop (or whatever the Jewish equivalent of that is) this year when Nicole Cliffe and John Leavitt began positing what you could possibly buy Wes Anderson for his birthday if he was your friend. Nicole claimed it was impossible. John claimed it was easy. It was like they put a bat signal in the sky that said “JULIA, PLEASE ABANDON ALL OF YOUR OTHER EARTHLY DUTIES AND ATTEND TO THIS WHICH WILL COST YOU EXACTLY ZERO DOLLARS.”
And, well, I did.