Being a girl is a mysterious, frustrating thing. At a certain age, people start expecting you to look, if not fashionable, at least put together. Guys get a free pass on wearing roughly the same uniform every day (my brother, for example, wears cargos/jeans, sneakers, a t-shirt, and a hoodie if it is cold, and has for his entire teenaged and adult life), but not girls. Clothing, hair, and makeup become hobbies that take up exorbitant amounts of time and money no matter how hard you try to avoid it. And the worst part is, at no point are you given a class or primer on how to do this stuff, you’re just supposed to magically know it.
I’m 26, I’m employed, and at some point I realized I have managed to trick people into thinking I have my shit together, appearance-wise. I have one co-worker who’s always commenting on how cute and fashionable I am. Considering that in seventh grade I thought the height of fashion was cutting up tights and wearing them as sleeves, I think this qualifies as character growth.
The thing is, I am two things that are very antithetical to Being A Girl, and that is that I am both lazy and cheap. But the nice thing about being lazy and cheap is that you develop really great shortcuts so people don’t know how lazy and cheap you are. And I realized one day, as I was getting ready for work, that the world deserved to know these. Surely, there are many girls out there who, like me, are lazy, cheap, and just want people to think they know what they’re doing when it comes to their personal appearance. And so I present to you this very long, detailed blog post for every lazy, cheap girl out there who’s just like me.