Most of the time I do not believe that the world is full of fundamentally stupid people. But every so often an issue comes along that makes me want to pull my hair and scream over because I cannot understand how people are so mind-bogglingly idiotic as to simply fail to understand what seems to me to be a very simple thing. I think the greatest issue of our time that causes me to regularly go into a state of rubbing my face in exhaustion and yelling “ARRRRRGH” at my ceiling is the universe’s consistent inability to understand Zooey Deschanel and anything even remotely related to her. (This also forms the basis of my tangential massive grudge against the universe: any and all analysis of the movie (500) Days of Summer. Tom is a presumptuous dick who doesn’t listen to a word Summer says, and no, you don’t want to marry him, and no, he is not “the perfect guy.” And this is the entire point of the movie, writer of the bazillionth blog article that acts like this is brand new information that they are the very first to discover. Congratulations, you watched the trailer past the part where it said “this is not a love story” and weren’t distracted by Joseph Gordon-Levitt‘s dimples. What do you want, a prize? A cookie? End rant.)
Can someone please explain to me what, exactly, Zooey Deschanel has done to make her so hated? She seems to me like a pretty mild, run-of-the-mill celebrity. Her aesthetic is slightly twee, but I don’t really get the problem with that. Does a kitten die every time someone takes a picture with instagram? Is that it? Plus, honestly, she doesn’t seem that twee to me, from what I have gathered from her twitter and other various internet presences. Sure, she favors things that are cute and happy, but, if YouTube is any indication, so does 99% of humanity. No, what people seem to object to is the way she has been packaged as some sort of quirky hipster goddess. And, I agree, it’s annoying, but I don’t see what the point of getting mad at her is when most of that work is done by the Hollywood publicity machine. Think of them as a dubious meat packaging plant. They see a person and decide to slap a label on them to make them easier to sell to the average consumer. Getting mad at Zooey Deschanel — or any celebrity, for that matter — for that is roughly the equivalent of finding a rat paw in your hotdog and thinking it’s the hotdog’s fault, or being angry that hotdogs exist because you’re a vegetarian. It’s fine to not like the metaphorical hotdog. But for the love of god, can we not blame the hotdog?