Merlin – Kind of epic, maybe kind of gay (Originally for Clique Clack Television, Co-Written with Ruby T.)

That’s this show in a nutshell, isn’t it? Always nodding to fairytales or high fantasy epics, always with the same-sex relationships that make you tilt your head and go “hmm.”

Or they make me do that, at least. Ruby doesn’t always agree with me, but that’s what dialogues are for, right? Unless by “gay” I mean “happy,” in which case Ruby and I are in total accord.

Ruby: This felt like Sleeping-Beauty-meets-Lord-of-the-Rings, what with the whole of Camelot fast asleep (except the princess, ironically) and with all those Nazgul — er, knights of Madea — walking everywhere in slow motion. I can imagine them talking in the hallway. Knight 1: “Man, we so fly walking all slow like this.” Knight 2: “Fo shizzle, ma knizzle.”

Julia: The Nazgul hit all my eighth grade Lord of the Rings dork buttons so hard. I spent pretty much the entire episode pounding on the edge of my laptop stadium chanting, “FELL BEAST! FELL BEAST! FELL BEAST!” Sadly, one never appeared, because no one ever listens to me. If the powers that be on this show listened to me, they’d realize that Merlin and Arthur making out requires a lot less character assassination, that Arthur and Gwen should be adorable old married BFF who marry for political reasons, and  that Lancelot should return and they should all be one big happy family. But noooooo, no one listens to me. Not that I’m, you know, bitter. Not at all.

I mean, the whole “servant in the next life” conversation! The meaningful, sweaty looks of great emotional resonance! The love slapping! And I thought it was super-cute when Arthur went all Florence Nightingale on Merlin after the battle. It reminded me of a lady giving a knight her favor to wear. I will not lie and say I didn’t squeal a little. I totally squealed. Like a little girl.

Ruby: I like how Arthur loses a whole mess of red shirts at Idirsholas, and after wrapping up Merlin’s arm, he just starts back home with a “Darn, now I gotta go get me some more knights.”

Julia: I like how they literally have red shirts, just in case you didn’t get the message clearly enough. That is a job with a really poor survival rate, being a knight of Camelot. I don’t know why Lancelot wanted it so badly. They must offer really awesome health insurance or something. Either that, or riding out with Arthur, even if you’re going to your certain doom, is like the best thing that can ever happen to you.

Ruby: Arthur: “Looks like some darn tourists forgot to put out their campfire!” Merlin, upon noticing row of menacing knights standing directly behind him: “Maybe not.” I have to nominate this as Most Hilarious Moment of the episode.

Julia: See? It’s that old Pendragon intelligence and charm that makes the boys go wild.

(Read more…)


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