Convincing Principal Higgins to play Madonna non-stop was the best thing I’ve ever done. I haven’t felt this empowered since I ran over my neighbor’s dog. Let them try to take this to court like they threatened. Anything that doesn’t poop on a toilet is clearly a menace to society. And that includes babies and old people. None of them can be trusted.
I continue to worry the Cheerios aren’t living up to their full potential, despite my attempts to Madonna-fy them. Where have I gone wrong, Journal? Have I not taught them all the different ways to stimulate a sex act with the same class and dignity Madonna always does? Is it perhaps time to suggest they pose naked and create coffee table books? Or must we embrace our gay following as Madonna has?
I would consider the last one, if only the gay population of this school was not limited to Will Schuester’s little Keebler elf.