Douchebaggery, public temper tantrums, and other reasons to put baby in a corner (Orginally for Clique Clack Television)

taylorswiftkanyewest

Nation, at this tumultuous time in history, ask not what you can do for your country, but ask where the hell are your manners, young man?

Look, I can be a totally rude person, even for the extraordinarily low standards set for my generation. I burp. I fart. I praise other people for burping and farting in my presence. (This makes me very popular with children.) I have no issues with bluntly discussing any and every function my body or any body does (hemorrhoids? Bring those puppies on), or various orifices and the things people do with them in almost any company.

But I do have standards. I say please and thank you to everyone. I hold the door. I say “bless you” to strangers in public locations and “excuse me” if I bump into them. Most importantly, I do not interrupt people when they’re speaking, especially in an extremely rude manner. And if I do, because such things do happen by accident, I apologize.

So why doesn’t anyone else?

(Read more…)

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