Dear Reza Aslan,
I swear to God, I am not a shallow person. Usually. I mean, do I have my totally awful moments of objectifying dudes when I really shouldn’t? Of course. I’m human, okay. Anyone who says they don’t do this is a filthy liar.
Now, there’s this whole thing going on in Iran with the election and so on and so forth. And since I pride myself on being politically conscientious, I am all up in that business. I have done my homework, listened to my NPR, and written my requisite informative blog post for the totally lost and overwhelmed. I now can speak intelligently on Iranian politics. (Ask me, really!) And, being the conscious person I am, I’ve been watching the news. And you’re on it. A lot. And this is causing me to have a lot of problems with being a non-reprehensible human being.
See, usually, if I tune into The Daily Show or the Rachel Maddow Show, I can concentrate on what is being said. I do not spend my time feeling unaccountably attracted to, say, former presidential advisers or four-star generals, and when I’m expecting those dudes to appear and then you show up with your hot self, my guard is down and you’re kind of killing me with your gorgeousness. If I was watching a normal show, disproportionately pretty people would be showing up left and right and it wouldn’t seem quite so jarring. (That is not to say I wouldn’t still take time out and stare at you, of course, I’m just saying it’s less expected when I am catering to my more intellectual side to find myself giggling like a thirteen-year-old. Sometimes, I even put my chin in my hands and sigh. I didn’t do that when I was actually thirteen. This is a problem, dude.)
And then this Iran business came up and I’m having issues, because now there is a terrible, awful part of me that wants these protests to go on forever so you and your sexy, Iranian-born doctorate of religion self can be on my television. Forever.