Dear Marshall Eriksen,
Look, I know this is weird because you’re kind of married, but I think you should know that I’m in love with you.
It would be enough for me if you were an environmentally-passionate lawyer, but I forget until I marathon old episodes how friggin’ cute you are. You sing everything you do! I don’t find that annoying, I find that adorable. Mostly because I do it too. If you could please write me heartfelt letters from the beyond, make amazing charts about all of my favorite songs, and form a family band with me, that would be amazingly swell.
I already have plans for our first date. See, you like to eat, and I like to cook, but I hate to eat what I’ve made right after, so Marshall can do it for me. After that, we could make up games that you could win, and you could drive me home in your resurrected Fiero singing along to The Proclaimers at the top of our lungs.